Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Conclusion

(Extra Credit Post)

Well, this class is over! It has been an absolute pleasure to be able to study the different trends and influences on the family. I have loved this class for a number of reasons. One, being that it has covered almost all causes of changes within the family. It was a very broad, yet detailed, introduction to Family Relations and I loved that. I would rather study a wide range of family relations than intricately study one or two. I loved the knowledge that I gained this semester as well as the security and faith I have for my own future. Marriage, families, and adulthood can be a scary, intimidating thought for young people. As I have started these myself, I have gained confidence in myself, knowing that I can do hard things! I have also learned the importance of looking at the bright side. I have realized that although there are apparent challanges within families and marriages, they are a beautiful, God-given gift! I am so grateful for my own marriage, and that we will be able to start a family of our very own! This class, if anything, has reassured me of the sacredness of families. It has helped me realize that it is my divine purpose, as a woman, to be a mother! I cannot wait for that day. I'm grateful for a husband who loves me, who supports me, who reassures me and who treats me like a queen. This life is hard - and families are angels in disguise that can help through hard times.
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Remarriage

Remarriage is not a solution to divorce, but oftentimes, families find that remarriage either benefits or does harm to their own families. The most difficult part of remarriage comes into play as two families are blended together. Each family comes into the picture with different traditions, customs, family rules, and ways of living. To blend two families is a lot more difficult than it looks. Of the the 50% of American's that divorce, the majority will eventually remary. Half of those who remarry after a divorce do within a little over three years. The median is 3.6 years for men and 3.5 years for women. People tend to remarry for the same reasons that they married in the first place! They need intimacy, and crave the security that comes from an intimate relationship. With a remarriage typically come the challenges of unresolved emotional issues related to their first marriage, children's adjustment, financial issues, legal issues as well as general life adjustments. The term "stepparent" usually brings a negative reaction as there are typically issues as a new parent steps into the family and takes on the role as "father" or "mother" - even though biologically, they may not be the parent of their new spouse's previous children. It's a difficult balance that takes time, patience, trust and love to maintain and build. Although difficult, all of this is possible! We have learned throughout the course of the class, that with patience, it can work. It requires a tremendous amount of patience, as well as faith in the Lord. It requries prayer, love and nurturing relationships to work.

I am grateful to have never dealt with this, however I have watched the struggles of remarriage in my own extended family. It's a beautiful thing to be able to start new and fresh.
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Divorce

Through this classes weekly discussions, I have come to the knowledge that Divorce greatly affects not only the couple, but the family as well. The entire dynamics of the family change - causing great amounts of stress, grief, adjustment, and learning. Divorce is a type of crisis for families which deeply influences how they will react to it. In America, the divorce rate is sitting just above 50% - which is a large chance for separation. Most parents, so miserable in their marriage, feel that divorce will bring their family peace. They feel as if they have tried too hard, for too long. The truth is that marriage is difficult. Those that continue to stay married face similar challenges in their marriages, but marriage is selfless. If a couple is going to work through a marriage, it requires very hard work, as well as dedication, fidelity, loyalty, and faith. When a couple decides to continue forward with divorce, they feel that it will save their family. When in reality, a broken home causes struggles and challanges for children for the REST OF THEIR LIFE. This is no small issue, but truly large and impactful. Divorce affects children's self-esteem, their secure attachments, their development, their ability to have healthy relationships as well as their general happiness in life. Children who's parents are divorced have much higher chances than the regular 50% of one day divorcing themselves. Children need the example in their life of healthy relationships in order to know how to have one themselves. You often hear individuals say, "I am not going to do the same things my parents did." But guess what? Those tactics used by parents are imbedded in us - whether we like it or not. It takes great effort, courage, and determination to find and develop healthy relationships. Some ineffective coping patterns that comes from those trying to recover from a recent divorce are denial, avoidance, and blaming.

I am grateful that my parents have such  a healthy relationship. I have never heard them fight and that was a great example so that I can also be successful in my own marriage. Marriage is holy and of God. We make sacred covenants in the temple which means we must fight for our marriages with all that we have, always. If taken seriously, and relied on Heavenly Father, we can do even the hardest of challanges.
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Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Parenting


Parenting teenagers is difficult. Oftentimes, there are apparent differences between parents and their children. In M. Russell Ballard’s general conference address titled Like a Flame Unquenchable, we are taught that the commandments on this earth have not changed. This brings so much comfort to my life because I have felt in my own short 20 years on earth, the world has gone through some significant changes. The standards go up and down, fads change and conformity is high. Ballard states, “The standards of the world have shifted like the sands of a windblown desert.” I love that the gospel principles are set in stone and unwavering. This provides me peace in my future parenting in the future because I truly fear for my children. I fear that I won’t be able to teach them what they will need to know but this quote gives me comfort that from the very beginning, if I teach them the solid principles of the gospel that they will be able to use those principles for the rest of their lives! How reassuring is that? The story that Elder Ballard started with, referring to the young and virtuous couple over the alter made me teary-eyed. Not too long ago, that was me! It was such a special day and I was so proud of myself and of my husband for making it to the temple. There are so many pressures for young men and women that we must, as parents, help them to put on the armor of God. Elder Ballard suggests 4 methods to help the youth to learn to understand, love, value and live the standards of the gospel. They are: gospel information, communication and example.

 I hope to be an active parent - meaning I will resolve problems in the best way possible without being permissive or authoritarian.

The videos that we watched this week demonstrated the difficult adolescent period for teenagers and the trials of good parenting. Parenting is actually not as simple as it sounds. However, the secret to parenting is quite simple – to teach by the spirit. I know that parenting will at times, be discouraging and hopeless. I hope that I can keep an eternal perspective and know that my Heavenly Father is a prayer away!

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Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Fatherhood

This week's topics were regarding fatherhood and the importance of it. It is so important that we better understand the nature of fathers as we address families. Fathers are such a large component of the family as a whole and should be greatly understood in order to fully understand the family. I love this quote that I found. It states,

"Being a father has been, without a doubt, my greatest source of achievement, pride and inspiration. Fatherhood has taught me about unconditional love, reinforced the importance of giving back and taught me how to be a better person." -Annonymous

 Fatherhood is a godly act, just like that of motherhood. Together, man and woman are able to accomplish the Lord's purposes for us here on earth. Our ultimate goal is not to obtain the most money, be the most successful, or have the greatest most high education. Our goal here on earth is to have families and teach them the principles of the gospel. As we come to understand the role of a father, we often learn the basics through example as well as practice. Life did not come with these types of manuals, but it did come with the example of our Father in Heaven. He was the ultimate parent and we can always look to Him for guidance.
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Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Communication in Marriage

Thesis: Conflict often arises within marriage, but precautions can be made in order to ensure communication as well as mutual understanding and love.

This week's topics were that of communication and mutual problem solving, specifically within marriage. We watched a video that I found very interesting regarding conflict within marriage. The wife in the video had dreams of pursuing her love for horses. Their horse, Maddie, cost the couple $1,000 a month to take care of. The husband found that this was a waste of money, and his dream was to have a cabin far away. He felt as if he was sacrificing his dreams to pursue hers. There was a huge communication gap between the couple, despite their mutual love for one another. Together, they sat down to discuss the issue. They were both encouraged to listen, understand one another's point of view, and then tell the other that they were okay with pursuing their spouse's dreams. These simple changes were amazing in their conversation. They both felt free to pursue their dreams, but because of the understanding that came from their spouse, it was as if they didn't care about their own individual dreams anymore and would rather pursue a dream together as a couple.

It's true when we are told that marriage is selfless and to keep it going, a couple must be thinking of the other. Think about it. If two people are married, and each individual does all that they can to make the other happy, then both will be happy! On top of that, they will feel the true love that comes from service.

I have found that in my own marriage, it's important to focus on prevention of conflict in order to never get to the point where you have to resolve conflict. Ways of prevention include selflessness, small acts of service, listening to your spouse, and sacrifice. These are easier said than done, but have made my own marriage a very happy one. This idea of prevention allows for a deeper love in marriage as well as mutual understanding of one another. When my husband feels loved and taken care of, he is sure to make sure that I am taken care of, and this concept goes both ways.
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Family Stress

Thesis: With family crisis, arises a degree of family conflict, depending on the way the family determines to deal with such circumstances.

Lesson 8 discusses the family under stress. Most families experience some degree of stressors in their lives. These stressors can vary between positive stress (eustress) and negative stress (distress). In our lives, stress is absolutely necessary to continue to be better, get things done, and accomplish tasks we may not have without it. It's true that understanding our own stresses will further help us to learn how to best respond in the most effective manner. As this week's lessons went on, I looked back to a particular story from my own life.

One day I came home from church, and walked inside. My sisters were arguing, yelling and the stress level within my house was very high. I tried to make it to my room, but after walking only halfway through my house I thought to myself, "I can't do this, there is so much contention here."

I turned around, went outside, and got into my car. I was so frazzled, a little upset with the anger inside, and very distracted. I backed up without even looking behind me and I hurd a big CRUNCH. I looked up, and I had backed right into my mom's car, which she had parked behind mine in the small amount of time that I had pulled in home and then got back out to my car to go escape.

This situation, in my opinion, perfectly describes the negative effects of stress in life. There was stress in my home and within my family, and it caused me to feel very stressed inside. The outcome was very unfortunate, and entirely my fault, but I now look back to this time as a time when my family could have handled the situation better. My sisters should have known better, and perhaps I should have tried to do my part in calming them down in the short amount of time I was home. Perhaps I should have stayed home and tried to fix the problem.

Stressors are part of life. We must learn how they effect us and how we should react in order to best shape a desirable outcome.

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