Family Stress

Thesis: With family crisis, arises a degree of family conflict, depending on the way the family determines to deal with such circumstances.

Lesson 8 discusses the family under stress. Most families experience some degree of stressors in their lives. These stressors can vary between positive stress (eustress) and negative stress (distress). In our lives, stress is absolutely necessary to continue to be better, get things done, and accomplish tasks we may not have without it. It's true that understanding our own stresses will further help us to learn how to best respond in the most effective manner. As this week's lessons went on, I looked back to a particular story from my own life.

One day I came home from church, and walked inside. My sisters were arguing, yelling and the stress level within my house was very high. I tried to make it to my room, but after walking only halfway through my house I thought to myself, "I can't do this, there is so much contention here."

I turned around, went outside, and got into my car. I was so frazzled, a little upset with the anger inside, and very distracted. I backed up without even looking behind me and I hurd a big CRUNCH. I looked up, and I had backed right into my mom's car, which she had parked behind mine in the small amount of time that I had pulled in home and then got back out to my car to go escape.

This situation, in my opinion, perfectly describes the negative effects of stress in life. There was stress in my home and within my family, and it caused me to feel very stressed inside. The outcome was very unfortunate, and entirely my fault, but I now look back to this time as a time when my family could have handled the situation better. My sisters should have known better, and perhaps I should have tried to do my part in calming them down in the short amount of time I was home. Perhaps I should have stayed home and tried to fix the problem.

Stressors are part of life. We must learn how they effect us and how we should react in order to best shape a desirable outcome.

Affair Prevention

Marriage is such a sacred part of our lives, and should not be taken lightly. It is truly what bonds two together and marriage is part of our lives to continue towards becoming more like our God. In today's world, fidelity is a huge issue. Affairs are becoming more and more acceptable which is far from what our Father in Heaven wants. Over the past 10 years, the divorce rate in the United States has loomed around 50% which is so devastating. 50% is a huge number and the odds are against us.

An article in the Ensign states,

"The high moral standards of this church apply to all members in every country. Honesty and integrity are taught and expected everywhere. Chastity before marriage and absolute fidelity to wife or husband after marriage are required of members of the Church everywhere. Members who violate these high standards of moral conduct place their Church membership in question anywhere in the world"

The proclamation states,

“The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. … We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God."

There is marital infidelity, emotional infidelity, sexual infidelity and fantasy infidelity. There are so many ways to be unfaithful to our spouses, but with God on our side, we can combat this trend that the world is slowly considering acceptable. We must beat the odds, we must stay close to God and we must be stronger than ever. This is the time of trial. This is a time of faith and a time of trial. We must prove our worthiness, our faith, our integrity and our love to our God.

Adjusting to Marriage

I love learning about the new steps a couple takes as they embark a new journey in eternal marriage. Most of the reason why I love it is because these very steps are what I am experiencing right now in my life. One of the quotes from the readings that stood out to me most was that the habits developed in the first year of marriage are usually what dictate the rest of the marriage. This really had me thinking as I came to the realization that this first year in my own marriage is extremely crucial to my life with my husband. This little quote had me thinking all week about the little things that I do. It helped me to be more patient, more understanding, and more loving.

Couples go through extreme adjustments during the first few months of marriage. I have felt this very true in my own marriage as we have explored different and new aspects of this marriage. For example, the top three greatest adjustments for us have been sleeping habits, time habits, and cleaning habits.

Sleeping habits has been a big adjustment, and a normal one, as we have learned. I love to cuddle each night as I fall asleep and my husband doesn't like to touch while trying to sleep. It's funny and we laugh about it each night, but learning to adjust has surely been a learning experience for us.

Time habits have also been an adjustment as my husband and I have learned how to better manage our free time from our scheduled time.

Lastly, cleaning habits have surely been a change. My husband grew up with a cleaning lady and he is not the cleanest person. I really like a neat & organized home and I have found it frustrating to spend so much time cleaning, and then to have it completely dirty again an hour or two later. We are working together on this issue, and my husband is doing his best to be better. I appreciate his willingness to try and work on things and I know that if we are both doing this, we will succeed.

Marriage is exciting, fun and challenging but it will be the best experience of my life if I think of it that way. Life is all about becoming more like God, and I know that marriage will be one of the best tools to refine me and strengthen me. I am grateful for my husband and for the kind and selfless man that he is. This life is hard, but we can look at it with the glass half full or half empty. We choose to look at it half full!!

Dating

This week we have been talking a lot about relationships regarding the dating aspect. I will be the first one to say that I feel so lucky that I was married young and able to escape dating early. I loved dating - don't get me wrong. But once you have settled with the love of your life, it's even better. I love that instead of spending my early twenties dating around, that I can spend it dating my husband and building my relationship with him.

One thing that stood out to me with dating was the story of a young girl. She was asked on 50 dates one semester and many people hadn't even been on one. When she was asked what she did, the answer was simple. She would often let boys know that she was approachable and kind, which would lead to them asking her on a date. For example, she would hear a boy playing the guitar and she would stop and watch and then tell him how she had always wanted to learn guitar and she thought that it was a really neat talent. Simply, she would take the first step in making the boy feel comfortable, and usually did it by complementing him, or making him feel good, which lead to him gaining the confidence to ask her on a date.

I think that dating is SO important in this life. It starts out with dating casually, and then dating seriously and then once married, the dating should continue. I believe that it is healthy for relationships. To me, dating is sort of "maintaining" and my husband and I have made the effort to go on weekly dates our entire lives. As we start our family and have kids, we know that this will become more and more difficult. Right now, it's easy because we spend each day together so it's as if every day is a date! But we know that if we can get into this habit, it will do great things for our marriage in tough times.

Dating is key to this life as we get to know and get to learn more about others, and our spouses.

Gender Role Confusion

This week's topic was that of Gender Roles. Now I discussed Men vs. Women last week and these are very similar topics, and mostly the same. But my favorite activity of this week was watching the documentary on homosexuality. I loved that the documentary claimed that some homosexuals claim that they were born that way. Well - that's not true. They did a study on identical twins, seeing that their genetic makeup is identical. Then, they figured that if they tested identical twins, if one was gay then the other would be as well, meaning they were born homosexual. Only 11% of twin sets were BOTH homosexual. The rest, only one of the two.

I do agree though, that some may struggle with homosexuality in their lives here on earth. I am a strong believer that everyone has their own earthly struggles and I do think that same-sex attraction is real. However, I think that we are each given our own trials because Heavenly Father knows exactly what we need in order to become our very best selves. He knows what will refine us so that one day, we can become like Him. I was so inspired by the documentary, and seeing so many men who had overcome this trial in their lives. I wish that I could show everyone it, because it showed me that we can overcome our trials once we surrender ourselves to the Lord. 

Men vs. Women

I loved the documentary that I watched this week regarding gender roles. I found it so fascinating and reassuring that there ARE indeed differences between men and women. The video held an experiment with families with both a son and daughter. They raised these sons and daughters for a span of time with absolutely NO gender cues, differences or encouragement. They would give both children dolls, trucks, makeup, and guns and give no encouragement for either child to play with a particular toy. One mom stated,

"At one point I gave both my son and daughter both a doll. My son proceeded to use it as a gun, and then threw it making an explosion sound. When I handed it to my daughter she stated, 'oh she is absolutely beautiful but she needs more makeup!' I was so confused - I don't even wear makeup! She just knew."

This happened time and time again. They even did experiments with animals. Females are just nurturing by nature. Boys are more rough.

I believe that there are apparent differences in gender and that these differences are divine and Godly. We are not meant to be the same, we are not meant to be equal. We are meant to be different. These differences are what makes marriage so beautiful. Husbands and wives have unique strengths, that when placed together, create a positive home environment.

So what can I do?

I plan to embrace womanhood! I am not going to put up a stink about women's rights, equal rights, or the fact that motherhood these days isn't technically "a career". I am proud to be a women and I am grateful for the opportunity I have to become more and more like God each and every day.

For an interesting article about stay at home moms, visit:
http://themattwalshblog.com/2013/10/09/youre-a-stay-at-home-mom-what-do-you-do-all-day/

Conflict Theory

This week one thing that stood out to me was the large amount of unique theories. The one I chose to focus on in class, was conflict theory. But what exactly is conflict theory?

Conflict theory is the individual way that people deal with conflict. It occurs in nearly all relationships and everyone has experienced it at one time or another.

The reason that conflict theory stood out to me is not necessarily because I have a lot of conflict in my life, but more because I'm always working on how I can better deal with conflict.

I'm newly married and you can bet your bottom dollar that I have dealt with a good amount of conflict during the last few weeks.  Being newly married, here are some of the conflicts that I have experienced recently: (Sharing these with permission of husband)

1.
I like the shower curtain shut after I'm done, because it's cute and I like it looking clean.
I like the toilet seat down after using it.
I like to pour gallons of milk into cups to drink, rather than drinking from the whole gallon.

I am not the best at being ready on time.
I am not the best with always having the laundry done.
I am not the best with letting my husband go to sleep at night (I love to talk)

Haha. I hope you are laughing because I am! Conflict is so prevelent in relationships and my husband and I are slowly learning how to best deal with it. What is worth talking about, and what is worth just dealing with it and loving the person anyways. I think we have been doing great so far and I am lucky to have a husband who is kind, loving, and helpful.

With the help of conflict theory, we can better communicate and figure out how to best resolve conflict together.